April 5,1984
Dear past or present,
I was just sitting in my house when suddenly thoughts started flowing through my mind. So I decided to write them down instead of keeping them jammed in my head. Either written on paper or in just my mind they would be found, so it makes no difference where they are. Anyway, today was horrible. Not only was it cold and windy like every other day, but it rained. Big cold drops splashed on my forehead like the sky was a sprinkler that was just turned on. By the time I got home I was drenched.
I feel so complete and utterly alone in this world. Not one single person seems to agree with me. Don’t they realize that our freedom has turned into slavery? We are deprived of happiness and joy. All the things a person is supposed to live for have been taken away. Its like everyone is under a trance and is working for big brother. They’re so afraid of rebelling against him for fear that they would disappear, vanish, vaporize, with not a single trace left. Not even a single fingerprint or a strand of hair left. It just came to me that that very thing is probably going to happen to me. Not probably, it will. Why do I still write knowing that no one will ever get this and that I will be a dead man? That’s something that not even I can answer. Perhaps its because I am filled with so much angry and misery it just feels better to get it out on paper. Or maybe its because I would rather die and disappear than live this dreadful life. It doesn’t really matter because I will always feel this hatred inside towards the world and eventually the thought police will get me.
I was waking down Forgotten Drive when I saw a pub and decided to stop by for a drink. I got to the door and tried to dry off as much as possible. I pushed open a tall, tattered door. Inside was a dingy room that smelled kind of musty with only a few tables and the bar. Smoked filled the room so it was a little blurry. I sat down at the nearest table. I had just started thinking about what to order when three men wearing charcoal colored jumpsuits rushed in. They grabbed the guy at the table next to me and dragged him as quickly as possible. And that was the last I saw or heard of him. Too disturbed by what just happened I walked home thinking in the rain. I’m guessing it was the thought police again.
The two minute hate yesterday was surprisingly different. When the telescreen came on people just sat in their seats gazing blankly at the screen. It was very odd. Although I was looking at the screen not a thing was registering in my mind. I was to busy thinking about the world in general. Would it ever improve, or better yet would I stay alive long enough to see it? Will it always stay a dark, cold, dirty place, with its gloomy people and where everyday seemed to be a bad dream? Will people always be okay with this lifestyle? It really doesn’t matter, for I shall probably be gone in a couple of days. I just don’t understand how people can live this life. Don’t they realize that its awful? Maybe they don’t. Maybe its because they don’t know life any other way, or at least they don’t remember it. I know life was different some time. I know because I remember just one thing, the beautiful grass in front of our house. It was the most lush, soft, greenest grass I had ever seen. When the sun shined, I would just sit there and bask in its warm rays. They grass would seem to crawl up your face and scratch you with its prickly pieces. But those are memories long forgotten. The past is something that is made up for the future and is forever changing. The life we live now is how it’s supposed to be because that’s how it has always been for some people. Yet if you know any different or can at least remember you know life isn’t supposed to be like this at all.
The two minute hate has started so I better go and at least pretend to watch it. I just don’t understand how people can live like this. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. What good is a world with no freedom? Down with Big Brother, Down! I wonder what I should do this time to make sure my dairy has been found. Maybe Ill lay it a certain way.
Sincerely,
W. Smith